Quiet Time
Mood Rating: 6/10
I've been putting off writing this entry for a week now. There's no particular reason; I'm just feeling a bit on the quiet side since I saw my pdoc last Tuesday.
It was a pointless venture. He's concentrating on my agoraphobia too much. If I felt well in myself, I'd be more likely to venture out, but he doesn't seem to see it that way.
He did increase my anti-depressants to 375mg (Venlafaxine) from 300mg. I also have to take all my tablets at 4am (the earlier the better, you see). It's a bit of a chore waking at 4am daily, but at least I manage to get back to sleep. Apparently, Venlafaxine can be a sedative for some and can keep others awake. I must admit, I'm sleeping much better now I'm taking them in the morning.
Because my pdoc is focusing on the agoraphobia, he's trying to force me into going to the local day unit each week for therapy. I went there once before, just to see what it was like, and it was a nightmare. I'm sure it works for some, but it's just not my bag. I don't need to be made to feel anymore crazy than I already do, and that's what that place makes me feel like. Pdoc doesn't understand and thinks I'm just being difficult, but I'm truly not.
On the plus side, I hadn't put on any weight over Christmas. Then again, I haven't lost any either. My GP is dragging her heels on writing to the Primary Care Trust about the bariatric surgery. I've phoned her secretary once, but it looks like I might have to chase them again. The PCT meet once a month for this kind of thing, so once she writes to them, I've got at least a month to wait before I'll hear whether I've got the funding or not. It's a waiting game.
I'm still not working. My sick note runs out on Sunday, so I'm meant to begin working again. My husband phoned the GP today to see whether she'd sign me off for longer, but she never called back. I don't know what I'll do if she won't sign me off - I'm not ready to go back to work, and right now, I can't see that changing for the foreseeable future. I feel like such a waster, but I don't know what else to do.
Another fly in the ointment: I applied for Employment Support Allowance and got turned down because I hadn't paid enough National Insurance. I thought that was a bit odd, seeing as I pay it monthly by direct debit, but on looking into it I found that HMRC had stopped the DD about 2.5 years ago and I hadn't noticed. They'd also failed to inform me of this. So I've had to borrow £240 off my father-in-law so that I can pay the arrears then claim ESA - it's a mad world. I desperately need the ESA payments, but that's a few weeks off. I'm got to pay HMRC, wait for the payment to clear then re-apply for ESA. How hard can the government make this?
I think I'm on a decline. I usually post numerous status updates on Facebook, and I Tweet all the time too, but I haven't done either for a few days now. A friend even text me tonight to see if I was alright. I feel stable, but I'm stuck on the depressive side of things. Hey ho.
I've been putting off writing this entry for a week now. There's no particular reason; I'm just feeling a bit on the quiet side since I saw my pdoc last Tuesday.
It was a pointless venture. He's concentrating on my agoraphobia too much. If I felt well in myself, I'd be more likely to venture out, but he doesn't seem to see it that way.
He did increase my anti-depressants to 375mg (Venlafaxine) from 300mg. I also have to take all my tablets at 4am (the earlier the better, you see). It's a bit of a chore waking at 4am daily, but at least I manage to get back to sleep. Apparently, Venlafaxine can be a sedative for some and can keep others awake. I must admit, I'm sleeping much better now I'm taking them in the morning.
Because my pdoc is focusing on the agoraphobia, he's trying to force me into going to the local day unit each week for therapy. I went there once before, just to see what it was like, and it was a nightmare. I'm sure it works for some, but it's just not my bag. I don't need to be made to feel anymore crazy than I already do, and that's what that place makes me feel like. Pdoc doesn't understand and thinks I'm just being difficult, but I'm truly not.
On the plus side, I hadn't put on any weight over Christmas. Then again, I haven't lost any either. My GP is dragging her heels on writing to the Primary Care Trust about the bariatric surgery. I've phoned her secretary once, but it looks like I might have to chase them again. The PCT meet once a month for this kind of thing, so once she writes to them, I've got at least a month to wait before I'll hear whether I've got the funding or not. It's a waiting game.
I'm still not working. My sick note runs out on Sunday, so I'm meant to begin working again. My husband phoned the GP today to see whether she'd sign me off for longer, but she never called back. I don't know what I'll do if she won't sign me off - I'm not ready to go back to work, and right now, I can't see that changing for the foreseeable future. I feel like such a waster, but I don't know what else to do.
Another fly in the ointment: I applied for Employment Support Allowance and got turned down because I hadn't paid enough National Insurance. I thought that was a bit odd, seeing as I pay it monthly by direct debit, but on looking into it I found that HMRC had stopped the DD about 2.5 years ago and I hadn't noticed. They'd also failed to inform me of this. So I've had to borrow £240 off my father-in-law so that I can pay the arrears then claim ESA - it's a mad world. I desperately need the ESA payments, but that's a few weeks off. I'm got to pay HMRC, wait for the payment to clear then re-apply for ESA. How hard can the government make this?
I think I'm on a decline. I usually post numerous status updates on Facebook, and I Tweet all the time too, but I haven't done either for a few days now. A friend even text me tonight to see if I was alright. I feel stable, but I'm stuck on the depressive side of things. Hey ho.
posted by Bipolar Bear at 8:35 pm
3 Comments:
So sorry you are not getting on disability. Hopefully they will let you get an extended docs note though. So frustrating when docs don't return calls. Hugs.
That seems like an awful lot of venlafaxine, especially for someone with bipolar. It doesn't make you manic?
No, doesn't make me manic. Been on them for 10 years now. Not sure they do anything actually.
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