Not a Good Day
Mood Rating: 6/10
Feeling a little down and sorry for myself today. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 4.5 years. A few months ago, we found out that his brother's girlfriend was pregnant, which I found very hard to deal with. Today, they've just found out that they're having a girl - my dream is to have a girl, too. I am pleased for them, it's a really exciting time for anyone, but having it so close to home is really hard for me to deal with. Hubby's a little upset, but he's excited because this will be his first niece; I have 5 nieces and a great nephew.
I dunno, it's just hit me really hard today. I've only just pushed myself into having a wash and getting into clean clothes, and it's 1.15pm. I'm sure it'll pass, but by God it hurts.
I'm also counting down the days (in a bad way) until I HAVE to start work again. I know I can't cope with it right now, and I know nothing's going to change within 4 weeks. I wish I could be signed off indefinitely. I don't want to sponge off the state, but I really just can't cope with the stress; I'm a genuine case, but I feel like people will see me as a fake, a lay-about that doesn't want to work, which just isn't true. It's a tough battle, not only with society, but within my own mind. I want to be able to rely on myself, but I'm just not well enough to.
I'm finding loads of other bipolar sufferers on Twitter, which is kind of soothing. I spend a lot of time on my own, and I often feel very isolated, but reading other people's thoughts on the subject can be very helpful. Some of them make me feel strong and others really tear at the heartstrings. Of course, some are just plain annoying, and clearly from people who are jumping on the band wagon. I can't believe that anyone would WANT to be bipolar, but it seems to be becoming some kind of status... sad.
Feeling a little down and sorry for myself today. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 4.5 years. A few months ago, we found out that his brother's girlfriend was pregnant, which I found very hard to deal with. Today, they've just found out that they're having a girl - my dream is to have a girl, too. I am pleased for them, it's a really exciting time for anyone, but having it so close to home is really hard for me to deal with. Hubby's a little upset, but he's excited because this will be his first niece; I have 5 nieces and a great nephew.
I dunno, it's just hit me really hard today. I've only just pushed myself into having a wash and getting into clean clothes, and it's 1.15pm. I'm sure it'll pass, but by God it hurts.
I'm also counting down the days (in a bad way) until I HAVE to start work again. I know I can't cope with it right now, and I know nothing's going to change within 4 weeks. I wish I could be signed off indefinitely. I don't want to sponge off the state, but I really just can't cope with the stress; I'm a genuine case, but I feel like people will see me as a fake, a lay-about that doesn't want to work, which just isn't true. It's a tough battle, not only with society, but within my own mind. I want to be able to rely on myself, but I'm just not well enough to.
I'm finding loads of other bipolar sufferers on Twitter, which is kind of soothing. I spend a lot of time on my own, and I often feel very isolated, but reading other people's thoughts on the subject can be very helpful. Some of them make me feel strong and others really tear at the heartstrings. Of course, some are just plain annoying, and clearly from people who are jumping on the band wagon. I can't believe that anyone would WANT to be bipolar, but it seems to be becoming some kind of status... sad.
posted by Bipolar Bear at 1:09 pm
1 Comments:
Hey there hun
Just wanted to drop in and say hi. Also, I thought I was the only one that thought some people were behaving as if it were 'fashionable' to have bipolar - so glad to read that I'm not. This really grates on me too - this is a crippling illness; how can it possibly be in vogue?! Not that I'm defending stigma, of course, but no one should 'pretend' they have it or play minor problems up to bipolar's level.
Sorry, rant over. But someone out there hears you. On the plus side, I definitely agree about the other elements of Twitter; it has been a huge source of support for me since I joined it, much more so than I thought a social network could be. There are some inspiring and incredibly supportive people over there.
Anyway, I'll leave you in peace. Take care of yourself :-)
Hugs
SI x
Post a Comment
<< Home