So Close...

The following was a draft post from a few days ago:

Mood Rating: 4/10

I came within spitting distance of another suicide attempt just now. My husband's gone out and left the keys to the medicine cabinet. I stood there with the cabinet open just looking at the tablets. I don't know why I didn't go ahead with it because I'm feeling really low. I've cried yet again this evening for no reason.

Life is just stretching out before me... another maybe 60 years of this awful, gut-wrenching nothingness.

Nothing much has changed since I wrote that. I'm maybe feeling just a tiny bit better, but I'd still like it all to end, one way or another. If I had those keys now... well...

It's a cliche but I feel like I'm stuck in an abyss and I can't find a way out.

My flat looks like a bomb has struck, but I just haven't the energy to do anything about it. It makes me feel bad living in a tip, and I feel guilty for not tidying up, but I just feel so shit all the time.

I just want to die.