Doctor's
Mood Rating: 4/10
I took myself off to the doctor's today as I've been noticing that my mood has been pretty low over the past few weeks. It's fairly stable, but I'm definitely experiencing more low days once again. My GP has increased the dosage of Olanzipine to 15mg/day and she's going to have a discussion with my pdoc about it.
I've noticed my suicidal thought patterns increasing again. I'm not consciously thinking of suicide, but the thought often pops into my head. I'm having at least 2 days a week like this, and I'm hating it, obviously.
I still haven't come to terms with everything. I can't get my head around the fact that I'm going to be like this forever. Even if I have a really good period, these black moods will never be far away. To top it off, I often feel guilty about putting my husband through all of this. I've even contemplated leaving him so that he could find someone else. That sounds crazy, but it's so unfair to drag him down with me.
On the plus side, I received a Disability Living Allowance payment today. Apparently, most mental health patients are turned down as they fill the form in wrong, but I obviously got something right. I'm not sure what scale they're paying me, as I think that they've backdated this payment. Now we've got to apply for Carer's Allowance for hubby.
I don't know what to think now. I'm not sure that I trust Olanzipine to do the trick fully. I guess it's a day at a time again - waiting for another low ebb. I swear I don't know how much longer I can take this.
I took myself off to the doctor's today as I've been noticing that my mood has been pretty low over the past few weeks. It's fairly stable, but I'm definitely experiencing more low days once again. My GP has increased the dosage of Olanzipine to 15mg/day and she's going to have a discussion with my pdoc about it.
I've noticed my suicidal thought patterns increasing again. I'm not consciously thinking of suicide, but the thought often pops into my head. I'm having at least 2 days a week like this, and I'm hating it, obviously.
I still haven't come to terms with everything. I can't get my head around the fact that I'm going to be like this forever. Even if I have a really good period, these black moods will never be far away. To top it off, I often feel guilty about putting my husband through all of this. I've even contemplated leaving him so that he could find someone else. That sounds crazy, but it's so unfair to drag him down with me.
On the plus side, I received a Disability Living Allowance payment today. Apparently, most mental health patients are turned down as they fill the form in wrong, but I obviously got something right. I'm not sure what scale they're paying me, as I think that they've backdated this payment. Now we've got to apply for Carer's Allowance for hubby.
I don't know what to think now. I'm not sure that I trust Olanzipine to do the trick fully. I guess it's a day at a time again - waiting for another low ebb. I swear I don't know how much longer I can take this.
posted by Bipolar Bear at 4:38 pm
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