Clinical Psychologist
Mood Rating: 7/10
The Clinical Psychologist, Bree, visited yesterday. I knew that I'd end up in tears, but I didn't think that I'd be as bad as I was. I maintained composure for a very long time, but talking about being bullied, my childhood, my manic phases during my teens, and then the rape, took its toll. I was sure that I had completely resolved the rape issue, but I obviously haven't; that was what got me.
It looks as if betrayal by friends and people close to me has been a recurring factor in my life. I was bullied by someone who had been my best friend; I was raped by someone who was a friend; my husband cheated on me before we were married. Maybe I'm too trusting. I do look for the good in people all the time, and I expect to be treated how I treat others, but that's not always the case, obviously.
I found the whole appointment quite traumatic. Bree said that she'd like to visit again, and she's also going to refer me for therapy. She'll be returning tomorrow to go over yesterday's issues.
I'm just so amazed that I reacted in this way and also that I found that I'm not over the rape. I truly thought that, although it has taken time, I had dealt with it and buried it sufficiently. It was glaringly obviously yesterday that I have done neither.
We touched on my social phobia, but I'm trying to do more to combat that myself. I don't know what's on offer to help me further that.
The Crisis Team are coming round at 6pm today. I've agreed that Bree can pass on the information that we discussed. Some people may want to keep some things private, but I was completely honest with her - how can you get help if you're not honest? I don't think that the Crisis Team will dwell on much of yesterday's appointment as they focus more on what I can do immediately to help myself.
Bree's visit has really thrown me. I'm amazed at how much emotional baggage I really have. I'm not a great believer in therapy, but on the other hand, I don't think that I can deal with all these factors in my life on my own. Once you address one of them, it pulls in another issue; it's hard to make sense of it all.
One thing we agreed on, though, is that my illness is a real thing. The depression and my actions are partly due to a chemical imbalance and partly down to what has happened in my life.
I'm a great believer in the saying, 'Things get worse before they can get better,' which I'm quite worried about. I know that dragging up the past will depress me no end, but I think it's high time that I faced the truth.
The Clinical Psychologist, Bree, visited yesterday. I knew that I'd end up in tears, but I didn't think that I'd be as bad as I was. I maintained composure for a very long time, but talking about being bullied, my childhood, my manic phases during my teens, and then the rape, took its toll. I was sure that I had completely resolved the rape issue, but I obviously haven't; that was what got me.
It looks as if betrayal by friends and people close to me has been a recurring factor in my life. I was bullied by someone who had been my best friend; I was raped by someone who was a friend; my husband cheated on me before we were married. Maybe I'm too trusting. I do look for the good in people all the time, and I expect to be treated how I treat others, but that's not always the case, obviously.
I found the whole appointment quite traumatic. Bree said that she'd like to visit again, and she's also going to refer me for therapy. She'll be returning tomorrow to go over yesterday's issues.
I'm just so amazed that I reacted in this way and also that I found that I'm not over the rape. I truly thought that, although it has taken time, I had dealt with it and buried it sufficiently. It was glaringly obviously yesterday that I have done neither.
We touched on my social phobia, but I'm trying to do more to combat that myself. I don't know what's on offer to help me further that.
The Crisis Team are coming round at 6pm today. I've agreed that Bree can pass on the information that we discussed. Some people may want to keep some things private, but I was completely honest with her - how can you get help if you're not honest? I don't think that the Crisis Team will dwell on much of yesterday's appointment as they focus more on what I can do immediately to help myself.
Bree's visit has really thrown me. I'm amazed at how much emotional baggage I really have. I'm not a great believer in therapy, but on the other hand, I don't think that I can deal with all these factors in my life on my own. Once you address one of them, it pulls in another issue; it's hard to make sense of it all.
One thing we agreed on, though, is that my illness is a real thing. The depression and my actions are partly due to a chemical imbalance and partly down to what has happened in my life.
I'm a great believer in the saying, 'Things get worse before they can get better,' which I'm quite worried about. I know that dragging up the past will depress me no end, but I think it's high time that I faced the truth.
posted by Bipolar Bear at 8:43 am
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