Miserable
Mood Rating: 2/10
I've had a really good few days, but tonight my mood has taken a real nosedive. I wish I could pinpoint a trigger. I'm just so miserable. I gave myself a small cut with a razor this evening, but it didn't do much. I don't want to get stoned, drunk, high or anything. I just don't want to be anymore.
I can't believe that I can be this unhappy with everything. There are a few things and a few people that make me happy, but without them I'm so miserable. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I can't take much more. I just want out.
I haven't really worked in the last week, which shows how shit I am at the moment. This doesn't bode well for a promotion. I've looked at things to buy to cheer myself up, but I don't trust myself not to go mad with the spending.
I just want to walk, but I find it so hard to go out alone. I don't want my husband knowing how bad I'm feeling, so I don't want him to come with me, but there's no one else.
When I'm like this I feel so many emotions; all negative of course. I feel totally heartbroken, miserable, sad, melancholy, suicidal. However, at the same time, I feel nothing. How can that be?
I think of what everyone else I know is doing at this point in time, and I know that whatever it is, it's better than what I'm up to.
Not sure if I mentioned it in my last post, but I wanted to have myself committed the other night. Thing is, I know I'd check myself out after a day or 2. It'd also put a lot of stress on my family. I so need help, but I just don't know where to find it, or in what form. By God, this psychiatrist (or whatever he is) best have some ideas on the 17th - if I make it to the 17th.
I'm going to try to lay off the drugs this week, even the Valium. I'll keep taking my anti-depressants, but only because I feel so rough if I don't take them.
Why can't I be normal, and why is this thing running my life with such utter control?
I've had a really good few days, but tonight my mood has taken a real nosedive. I wish I could pinpoint a trigger. I'm just so miserable. I gave myself a small cut with a razor this evening, but it didn't do much. I don't want to get stoned, drunk, high or anything. I just don't want to be anymore.
I can't believe that I can be this unhappy with everything. There are a few things and a few people that make me happy, but without them I'm so miserable. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I can't take much more. I just want out.
I haven't really worked in the last week, which shows how shit I am at the moment. This doesn't bode well for a promotion. I've looked at things to buy to cheer myself up, but I don't trust myself not to go mad with the spending.
I just want to walk, but I find it so hard to go out alone. I don't want my husband knowing how bad I'm feeling, so I don't want him to come with me, but there's no one else.
When I'm like this I feel so many emotions; all negative of course. I feel totally heartbroken, miserable, sad, melancholy, suicidal. However, at the same time, I feel nothing. How can that be?
I think of what everyone else I know is doing at this point in time, and I know that whatever it is, it's better than what I'm up to.
Not sure if I mentioned it in my last post, but I wanted to have myself committed the other night. Thing is, I know I'd check myself out after a day or 2. It'd also put a lot of stress on my family. I so need help, but I just don't know where to find it, or in what form. By God, this psychiatrist (or whatever he is) best have some ideas on the 17th - if I make it to the 17th.
I'm going to try to lay off the drugs this week, even the Valium. I'll keep taking my anti-depressants, but only because I feel so rough if I don't take them.
Why can't I be normal, and why is this thing running my life with such utter control?
posted by Bipolar Bear at 12:05 am
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