Psychiatrist

There's just one day to go before my first appointment with a psychiatrist. I've been down this road before only to be turned away once they got me into a state. Obviously, I'm concerned that this will happen again, but I don't feel like I have a choice in the matter.

I'm sure that they will simply suggest counselling once again, which, if I'm honest, I'm adverse to. I tried one session about 6 years ago. I cried throughout the appointment, and I didn't feel as though the counsellor really heard me. I'm of the opinion that I need therapy rather than counselling. I know that they're very similar, but I feel that therapy would empower me and give me the confidence to be able to look at life with a positive eye. Sadly, I can afford neither, and will have to rely on the good old NHS.

I think that my apprehension stems from the fact that I was raped when I was 14. I have dealt with that issue in my own way. I'm sure that it took much longer doing it my way, but I've done it; successfully. Now, doctors and psychiatrists see this as a large part of my depression. It's as though, because it happened, that HAS to be the cause. But, it's not. I had depression from age 10 or 11. I'm of the opinion that it is in my genes. The medical profession seem blinkered to any other cause or catalyst, and I'm going to have a devil of a job trying to convince them otherwise.

Fortunately, I do feel strong enough to hopefully be able to explain this to the psychiatrist tomorrow. We'll just have to wait and see if they actually listen.