Lithium Loving Introduction
Mood Rating: 8/10
Tremours, cotton-mouth, unquenchable thirsts, nausea, muscle weakness, sluggish memory, water retention and virtigo... it's all in a day of a lithium-prescribed biopolar sufferer. That'd be me...
Just 3 (maybe 4, I can't remember) weeks into taking lithium, I'm like a doddering old woman. Painting my nails is now somewhat of a challenge. The toilet is one of my closest friends. Ribena and tea the staple of my liquid intake. But it's all routine, already.
Without routine, I tend to break down. I've recently attempted suicide (with a blunt scalpel used for card craft), but no-one would know. I seem to fly under the radar with great success, yet I'm well known in my town and online. I'm popular, when I choose to be, and insular at the same time. I'm 2 very different people in my head, yet on the outside I'm boringly normal.
How did it come to this? Why was I chosen to have a chemical imbalance? Why did my doctors take 16 years to diagnose me with bipolar affective disorder (good old manic depression to you and me)? The world is just full of questions, of which, that is a huge part of my job... to answer questions. So, how come my life is so confusing to me? Yet, when it's broken down, I have a wonderful life that thousands of people would be envious of. It's uncomplicated and extremely easy. I have a wonderful husband and a pretty nice home. I love my job and the people I [sort of] work with. So what's wrong?
The simple answer is: nothing. It's just that the hand of fate dealt me a blow in the form of this mental illness. I so hate that term - it conjures up a picture of a straitjacket-clad, padded cell-living lunatic, of which I am most definitely not. I'm a person who walks past you daily. I'm clean and smell nice. I do my hair and nails and wear makeup. I'm not in fashion, but I'm not out of it either. I eat, sleep (sometimes), have sex, socialise and do all of the normal everyday things that you do. Only my brain and my cycling moods indicate the mental illness which the surface belies.
For every one person that understands mental illness, there'll be a thousand that don't. Some have just never come across a sufferer. Others just don't understand the range of illnesses. Then there are those who refuse to acknowledge that there are such illnesses as bipolar. Well, I'm hear to tell the latter types that there most certainly IS an affliction such as the one I'm living through, and it's life-altering. Imagine (and this is not limited to bipolar) being told that this thing - that eats at your mind, causes you to think of nothing else but death at times, and then forces you to clean the house, seek rampant sex, walk the dog, talk at high speed -this mental illness, is going to be with you for the rest of your life. There's no cure, only suppressants for the symptoms - if you're lucky. Now tell me that I'm a hypercondriac.
I'm not bitter... I have bipolar.
Tremours, cotton-mouth, unquenchable thirsts, nausea, muscle weakness, sluggish memory, water retention and virtigo... it's all in a day of a lithium-prescribed biopolar sufferer. That'd be me...
Just 3 (maybe 4, I can't remember) weeks into taking lithium, I'm like a doddering old woman. Painting my nails is now somewhat of a challenge. The toilet is one of my closest friends. Ribena and tea the staple of my liquid intake. But it's all routine, already.
Without routine, I tend to break down. I've recently attempted suicide (with a blunt scalpel used for card craft), but no-one would know. I seem to fly under the radar with great success, yet I'm well known in my town and online. I'm popular, when I choose to be, and insular at the same time. I'm 2 very different people in my head, yet on the outside I'm boringly normal.
How did it come to this? Why was I chosen to have a chemical imbalance? Why did my doctors take 16 years to diagnose me with bipolar affective disorder (good old manic depression to you and me)? The world is just full of questions, of which, that is a huge part of my job... to answer questions. So, how come my life is so confusing to me? Yet, when it's broken down, I have a wonderful life that thousands of people would be envious of. It's uncomplicated and extremely easy. I have a wonderful husband and a pretty nice home. I love my job and the people I [sort of] work with. So what's wrong?
The simple answer is: nothing. It's just that the hand of fate dealt me a blow in the form of this mental illness. I so hate that term - it conjures up a picture of a straitjacket-clad, padded cell-living lunatic, of which I am most definitely not. I'm a person who walks past you daily. I'm clean and smell nice. I do my hair and nails and wear makeup. I'm not in fashion, but I'm not out of it either. I eat, sleep (sometimes), have sex, socialise and do all of the normal everyday things that you do. Only my brain and my cycling moods indicate the mental illness which the surface belies.
For every one person that understands mental illness, there'll be a thousand that don't. Some have just never come across a sufferer. Others just don't understand the range of illnesses. Then there are those who refuse to acknowledge that there are such illnesses as bipolar. Well, I'm hear to tell the latter types that there most certainly IS an affliction such as the one I'm living through, and it's life-altering. Imagine (and this is not limited to bipolar) being told that this thing - that eats at your mind, causes you to think of nothing else but death at times, and then forces you to clean the house, seek rampant sex, walk the dog, talk at high speed -this mental illness, is going to be with you for the rest of your life. There's no cure, only suppressants for the symptoms - if you're lucky. Now tell me that I'm a hypercondriac.
I'm not bitter... I have bipolar.
posted by Bipolar Bear at 11:30 pm
1 Comments:
I also have bipolar. I was diagnosed at the tender age of 13 which was 41 yrs ago. I've been on Lithium since I was 25. There is no choice for me and Lithium is the only mood stabilizer that works for me-most of the time. I still have mood swings. I am a rapid cycler.
I have a blog also: chloe1234-you can access it on google.
J
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