Long Week
Mood Rating: 4/10
Ah, the inevitable nosedive... I kept poor hubby up into the wee hours crying and begging him to let me go. I told him that I'm beginning to resent family and friends for forcing me to live. I know that sounds very melodramatic, but I'm sure that anyone else who suffers with a mental illness would understand.
Hubby eventually resorted to giving me 2 Valium so that he could knock me out and hopefully make me sleep it off. Sadly, I felt just as bad in the morning. I managed to tell my brother's girlfriend, who promptly turned up on my doorstep. She let me have a good grizzle, and I began to pick up again within a couple of hours.
The day improved with the help of a few drinks in town, which again turned into many drinks in town. Of course, come home time I took a dive. I ended up staying at a friend's for the night, which helped keep me stable. The next day, hubby picked me up and took me for a sunbed. Whilst laying there, I resolved to keep busy for the day in order to keep my spirits up. It worked. I also got 3 week's worth of ironing done.
Monday the social worker came round to visit. She thought that I might benefit from a visit and assessment by the Crisis Team. I also went to see my GP who decided to begin the Olanzipine that day. It made me very tired on Tuesday, so I slept most of the day, but my mood certainly remained stable.
On Wednesday, the Crisis Team came to assess me. To my surprise, they agreed that I would benefit from their help. They are basically a team of nurses who help those that should be hospitalised stay in their own homes. At present, both myself and my pdoc don't think that hospitalisation would help me.
The Crisis Team stayed for about 2 hours assessing me, and we decided that I'd benefit from daily visits for 3 days. On the 3rd day (Saturday 28 April), I'll be re-assessed. From there they may visit daily, every other day, weekly, or not at all if I've improved dramatically. They're going to begin to address some of my issues, mainly suicide, self-harm, and my social phobia. If I progress, I'll be handed back to the social worker, but the Crisis Team will be there if need be.
One of the team visited me today and we spoke about using a mood scale, much like I've done on this blog since the beginning. So, instead of saying (which I've never managed to do), "I feel suicidal," which is a terrible thing to have to admit to family, I can say, "I'm a 3." A 3 seems to be my crisis point; I could go either way, but it's usually down. If I can admit to my husband that I'm a 3, he can hopefully intervene and help me through it.
Tonight I think I may have helped myself through a low point. After a long day working for my husband's boss, I found my mood dipping (obviously through having to return home) to a 4. However, since beginning to write this entry, I've improved to a 5 or 6. This is the kind of thing that I need to identify as something which helps me get through the bad times. I really need to learn to keep my moods under control rather than them controlling me. It sounds easy, but it's something which I've become complacent with. I don't know whether I'll manage it or not, but at the moment, I think that with the help of the Crisis Team and various other bodies, I could get there.
Aside from blogging this evening, I've bought a book called 'Mind Over Mood: Cognitive Treatment Therapy Manual for Clients' which my pdoc mentioned as being extremely good. It contains worksheets and patient examples, etc. I'm really not into 'self-help' books, but it has received a pretty good write-up and, at the moment, I'm willing to try almost anything.
I'm working for my husband's boss again tomorrow, so it'll be another long day. I think that I'll have a nice drink when I get home to help me relax. I'm not too sure how well alcohol and Olanzipine mix, but I'll go slow. As usual, it's recommended that you don't drink whilst taking this medication, but I'm usually okay. Let's just hope that I don't get the whole 'coming home' thing again.
Mood Rating: 6/10
Ah, the inevitable nosedive... I kept poor hubby up into the wee hours crying and begging him to let me go. I told him that I'm beginning to resent family and friends for forcing me to live. I know that sounds very melodramatic, but I'm sure that anyone else who suffers with a mental illness would understand.
Hubby eventually resorted to giving me 2 Valium so that he could knock me out and hopefully make me sleep it off. Sadly, I felt just as bad in the morning. I managed to tell my brother's girlfriend, who promptly turned up on my doorstep. She let me have a good grizzle, and I began to pick up again within a couple of hours.
The day improved with the help of a few drinks in town, which again turned into many drinks in town. Of course, come home time I took a dive. I ended up staying at a friend's for the night, which helped keep me stable. The next day, hubby picked me up and took me for a sunbed. Whilst laying there, I resolved to keep busy for the day in order to keep my spirits up. It worked. I also got 3 week's worth of ironing done.
Monday the social worker came round to visit. She thought that I might benefit from a visit and assessment by the Crisis Team. I also went to see my GP who decided to begin the Olanzipine that day. It made me very tired on Tuesday, so I slept most of the day, but my mood certainly remained stable.
On Wednesday, the Crisis Team came to assess me. To my surprise, they agreed that I would benefit from their help. They are basically a team of nurses who help those that should be hospitalised stay in their own homes. At present, both myself and my pdoc don't think that hospitalisation would help me.
The Crisis Team stayed for about 2 hours assessing me, and we decided that I'd benefit from daily visits for 3 days. On the 3rd day (Saturday 28 April), I'll be re-assessed. From there they may visit daily, every other day, weekly, or not at all if I've improved dramatically. They're going to begin to address some of my issues, mainly suicide, self-harm, and my social phobia. If I progress, I'll be handed back to the social worker, but the Crisis Team will be there if need be.
One of the team visited me today and we spoke about using a mood scale, much like I've done on this blog since the beginning. So, instead of saying (which I've never managed to do), "I feel suicidal," which is a terrible thing to have to admit to family, I can say, "I'm a 3." A 3 seems to be my crisis point; I could go either way, but it's usually down. If I can admit to my husband that I'm a 3, he can hopefully intervene and help me through it.
Tonight I think I may have helped myself through a low point. After a long day working for my husband's boss, I found my mood dipping (obviously through having to return home) to a 4. However, since beginning to write this entry, I've improved to a 5 or 6. This is the kind of thing that I need to identify as something which helps me get through the bad times. I really need to learn to keep my moods under control rather than them controlling me. It sounds easy, but it's something which I've become complacent with. I don't know whether I'll manage it or not, but at the moment, I think that with the help of the Crisis Team and various other bodies, I could get there.
Aside from blogging this evening, I've bought a book called 'Mind Over Mood: Cognitive Treatment Therapy Manual for Clients' which my pdoc mentioned as being extremely good. It contains worksheets and patient examples, etc. I'm really not into 'self-help' books, but it has received a pretty good write-up and, at the moment, I'm willing to try almost anything.
I'm working for my husband's boss again tomorrow, so it'll be another long day. I think that I'll have a nice drink when I get home to help me relax. I'm not too sure how well alcohol and Olanzipine mix, but I'll go slow. As usual, it's recommended that you don't drink whilst taking this medication, but I'm usually okay. Let's just hope that I don't get the whole 'coming home' thing again.
Mood Rating: 6/10
Labels: anxiety, bipolar, crisis, depression, pdoc, self-harm, social phobia, suicide
posted by Bipolar Bear at 10:53 pm
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